What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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