Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
