how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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