i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
