my phone needs a breathalizer
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
