Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
