dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
