I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
