When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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