i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
