I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize