literally had 100 drinks last night.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just blew my weed a kiss
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
