Can i not drive my cunt home
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize