I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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