Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
