Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
