Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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