just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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