I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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