I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
