I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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