i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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