if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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