i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
