another moral hangover. fuck.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
