you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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