I am puke
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
