Whod you bang
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
