gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Im part way to drunk.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
