omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
