u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
