sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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