Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
