I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
