I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize