How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Bring me that man meat
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
