Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
