I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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