I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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