so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
