I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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