let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
