I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize