Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
