so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
