i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
