Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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