Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
