I hope mine doesn't look like that
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
