Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
