My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
