Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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