I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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