Dude my mom stole all your condoms
kristin has been a bad kristin
Your dad touched me again.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
