Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
