I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
