He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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