You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
