Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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