there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
