Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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