And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
