my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
