I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
