The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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