ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
