you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
