Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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