UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
