I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
