I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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