Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
