Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
