naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
