YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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