Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
